I'm sorry
by Ssenkard Tnelis
Summary: Holly is busy mussing over the mindwhip and something she has lost. Just because something is gone, doesn't necessarily mean for good. El Crap-o Summary --;
1. Chapter 1: Mussing

Hello. Err; I was kind of nervous posting this up before my other AF fic was done. (Which it almost is I might add.) So please don't kill me.  
  
I don't care for romance, so I almost kicked myself when I was finished with this. Now Sara is probably going to get all mad at me and will refuse to review because of the pairing. -_-;  
  
Disclaimer: If you have seen any of the characters mentioned here before, then they are probably not mine. I wish they were but they are not. This story takes place after Eternity Code mind you.  
  
Remember: NO NON CONSTRUCTIVE FLAMES! NON CONSTRUCTIVE FLAMES ARE THINGS OF THE DEVIL!  
  
Chapter 1: Mussing  
  
Holly Short sat on her couch, looking up at the ceiling so she could count the holes in it. The council had suspended her for a day from her unauthorized flight to Tara. It didn't matter though; she had needed the cool air and the feather light breeze to calm her down a bit.  
  
"One, two, three..." she muttered to the ceiling. "One, two, three..."  
  
Thoughts clouded her mind. Thoughts that refused to just sit there and be ignored. Thoughts that took over no matter how hard you tried to break free. Thoughts that could turn a once proud and noble fairy into a sobbing heap of despair.  
  
"It's no use," she said again to the ceiling, giving up hope for counting the holes.  
  
"I don't understand," she whispered as she dug her head into a pillow. "Why is it so hard to let go? Why can't I stop thinking about what happened? There was nothing I could have done to stop it, not even if I wanted to. None of this is my doing. I am vindicated." She paused for a moment then continued in a whisper, "So then why am I overcome with guilt?"  
  
Tears were threatening to pour down from her eyes, the terrible feeling in her gut (known all to well as guilt) was bothering her. For some strange reason though, the feeling was not alone, something else was causing her to feel this miserable but she couldn't tell what.  
  
"I shouldn't be feeling this sentimental!" she scolded herself, "We all weren't exactly friends, we never could be. Yet I still miss them."  
  
She was now hugging the pillow tightly to her chest. Is this what an LEP officer had come to? A blubbering sympathetic fool?  
  
No.  
  
She could not be beaten by this.  
  
Her father had died when she was still young, and that hadn't brought her down. When her mother lost her sight in a serious hover mobile accident, it just made Holly stronger. The day her best friend, whom she had known since before she could crawl, got amnesia from a Goblin/Dwarf turf rally and was sent to an institute, it just made Holly want to be in the Recon even more.  
  
After all of these things had happened, they had yet to keep the smile off of Holly's face permanently. Yet now, she was succumbing to a few mudmen and a mud girl losing their memory?  
  
"I need to take a walk." Holly sighed, throwing the pillow to the floor.  
  
She put on a normal outfit and some boots and headed for the door to her one story house. The air outside was warm, no surprises there, yet enjoyable. She walked down the street and headed to the park.  
  
After many complaints on how boring and uncivilized the city was; the council finally agreed to put in a small park with a few patches of grass, a tree here or there, a bush or two, and even a rather small garden. It wasn't exactly Eden but it was good enough for some satisfaction.  
  
"I can still remember those too few times I actually enjoyed their company," she murmured as she sat on the closest bench, "just because they can't relish them, doesn't mean I can't."  
  
She thought back to when they first made contact, at the oak tree. Just thinking about it sent shivers up her spine. Being locked up in a prison for hours until she finally decided to break the concrete with her bed frame. She sure hoped that Artemis didn't turn back into that monster he had been.  
  
Their were perks to the first encounter though. The first time she punched Artemis in the face, and she had witnessed Butler tear the troll to pieces. Not very pleasant for the troll, but at least because of it she knew that there was practically nothing Butler couldn't do.  
  
'That must be why I healed him,' she thought, 'because I knew he could do it, I knew as long as he was alive he would do anything for those he cared for.'  
  
During the Opal Koboi incident, Butler and Artemis had helped in the investigation. Though it was only so that the fairies would help Artemis rescue his father. Nonetheless they held out their end of the bargain.  
  
The first time they went into the artic, Artemis had helped rescue Commander Root and Butler from a frozen death, even if she did almost lose her finger.  
  
Holly's lips became a grim slash. She could have caught hypothermia or lost her finger, and the ritual was no fun as it had drained much of her energy, and she had to continue the rest of the way on Butlers back.  
  
She lightened up a bit. It actually wasn't all that bad being slung over his shoulder, they had talked a bit known a little more about each other. That was until he said, "It sounds like you have a thing for this particular captain."  
  
Sure Holly had been saying a bit about Captain Trouble Kelp, but that didn't mean she had a crush on him. Although, the more she thought about it, the more obvious it became that he was only joking. Imagine, Butler joking. Very much out of character in Holly's mind.  
  
Both times they were at the artic; Holly saw a side of Artemis that she thought she would never see. Sadness, loneliness, sympathy, a little boy who loves and misses his father Adjectives Holly thought she would never use to describe Artemis.  
  
"I gave him the gold coin," Holly said, looking down at her hands constricting each other tightly, a trait commonly used tell people were deep in thought, "that coin was a symbol of friendship and that he is only human, something to remind him of me. Something he no longer has."  
  
She remembered how he had given it to Mulch. It made sense after all, seeing as how worthless it would be for him to keep it for he no longer remembered what it was supposed to represent.  
  
Holly looked up into the branches of the trees, it was getting late. Darkness was creeping in everywhere and most of the light was coming from the street lamps. It was about time to head home.  
  
She got up off her bench and slowly trudged back to her home.  
  
Her mind began to think back to their last encounter, the means of all her distress that day, the mission for the C Cube.  
  
"The lockdown, Butler dead, Artemis kidnapped, the mindwhip..." Holly spoke softly to the nothingness of the night, "I don't think I can find many happy memories in this scenario."  
  
There wasn't much to be had. She had been happy to see Juliet again, and bonding with her wasn't all that bad, it was actually quite pleasant. She could now see where Butler got his sense of humor.  
  
"When Artemis and I outsmarted Jon Spiro was a bit of a chuckle," she said with a bit of amusement, "him shouting curses everywhere and shooting blindly into the air hopping to hit us, not the least bit successful."  
  
Watching Butler "interrogate" Arno Blunt was also a bit fun, Holly admitted. How he paled when Butler arrived out of nowhere, how he pleaded for mercy before him, how he promised Butler to tell the police men the truth. It was all very entertaining.  
  
Holly somehow arrived at the door to her home; she slipped the key into the door and went straight to her futon.  
  
Though she was exhausted, her mind refused to pardon her. The mindwhip was still fresh in her mind and it was destroying her. Guilt and its anonymous friend were back. Tears were fighting their way down her cheek. Holly merely shook them away.  
  
"I think I know now what I have to do," she said to herself, "I'll talk to Root tomorrow and ask for that days' Fowl watch."  
  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
So what'd you think? Too sappy, too confusing, not enough fluff? SEND ME YOUR COMMENTS, THE PEOPLES DEMANDS MUST BE MEANT!  
  
Sorry if the chapter sucked, I am doing the best I can for today. (Which isn't all that great considering how lazy I am)  
  
Please review! Erm, if you can help it, try not to guess the pairing. I am sure it's obvious, but for the sake of my self confidence, don't guess. Sometimes I try to pretend I'm sneaky, it makes me feel better about myself. T-T 


	2. Chapter 2: Final Goodbye

Hello! Welcome to my story. Meh.  
  
For every chapter I post (doesn't matter what story) I get an average of around 11 reviews, or somewhere around there. But that's just an average. Why did I decide to average them you ask? I have no idea.  
  
Like I said before, I don't really like care for romance, but I am slowly starting to like the concept of doing strange pairings that hardly anyone else does. Don't ask me why, I just simply find it fun and challenging.  
  
To my reviewers: THANK YOU SOOOOO MUCH! I like getting reviews, makes me feel happy. ^-^; Oh, about the whole mindwipe thing. Sorry about that, I couldn't find any of my books at the moment and couldn't remember what it was called. So sorry, won't happen again.  
  
Ever want to write close to the last chapter before you even finished the second? I did. All the cool things happen after this chapter, it's not fair! T-T  
  
Disclaimer: Hmmmm, if I owned these characters than I would be filthy stinking rich, but I'm not. So, I guess I don't own the characters. I DO OWN THE PLOT SO BACK OFF YOU...you...PLOT STEALER PERSON THING YOU!  
  
Chapter 2: Here is where I say my final goodbye ===============================================  
  
Holly Short woke up nearly two hours before her alarm clock went off. It seemed almost like a miracle; Holly had actually beaten the clock awake  
  
She turned off the device of torture and turned blankly up towards the ceiling. She couldn't remember the feeling of being happy very well, but when she first woke up she seemed very content.  
  
It was impossible for her to remember dreams; no matter how hard she tried she couldn't quite get it together. The only times she had ever dreamed was when she was a child and again a few times when she was in training. Her dreams of one day being in the Recon and hopefully marrying a handsome captain with a colorful record. With the officers currently hired, Holly could almost guarantee that that dream would not be coming true any time soon.  
  
"I better start getting ready for work." grumbled Holly, rolling off her futon.  
  
She dragged herself to the shower. What she needed was a wakeup call, a good cold one. But with water the way it was underground it was not likely to happen.  
  
She stood in the shower, allowing the warm water to pour all over her body. 'At least people doing Fowl watch have to come in early,' she thought, 'that way I have a better chance of getting today's shift.'  
  
She somehow managed to get everything done on her morning routine without thinking much. The only thing that really made her sigh in relief was the fact she didn't own a car.  
  
Holly walked slowly towards Police Plaza. It wasn't late enough in the day for angry mobs to form outside, but still early enough for people to stop by and complain to her. She would admit it was annoying, but she wouldn't give in. She simply stated 'police business' and the imposer would step aside, not enough gall to keep her away from the office for some ill- advised problem.  
  
She took a step through the front door, very happy to see that Private Frond wasn't at the secretary desk this early in the morning. For once she wouldn't have to put up with gossip this and makeup that.  
  
"Good morning Corporal Cedar." She stated lightly, heading towards his desk.  
  
"Hello," He yawned really loudly and went back to pretending to be interested in the files on his computer. Of course, that was before he realized who he was talking to. "Oh! Err, Good morning Captain. My, you sure are in awfully early this morning. I swear, we thought we'd never see the day. We, as in the other officers I mean."  
  
"Yeah yeah." She mumbled.  
  
"Yes, when Commander Root hears about this we might have to call the paramedics. We aren't situated for heart attacks here at the LEP."  
  
"Speaking of which, has Root come in yet?"  
  
"Here let me check..." He got onto the admittance file on his computer.  
  
'I think I almost prefer Lili to this idiot. Is it really that hard to forget when a red faced, temperamental, commander comes in for early shift?' She thought, tapping her foot rather impatiently.  
  
"Yes he has, about two hours ago."  
  
"Ok, thank you."  
  
She made her way to Roots office. She had to come up with a reasonable excuse why she wanted Fowl watch and quick, decided to stick with the trusty 'If I don't, who will?'  
  
She approached his door and knocked lightly against it.  
  
"Foaly, I SWEAR, if you come in here one more time asking for higher pay then I WILL suspend you!"  
  
"Umm Commander?" She slid her way into the room, deciding better against taking the seat in front of his desk. She assumed Root was not in one of his better moods, considering the deep magenta hue of his face.  
  
He practically choked on the cigar he was smoking, "Sh-Short!?"  
  
"Yes sir."  
  
"What are you doing here this early; your shift doesn't start in another hour!"  
  
"I know. I just came in to request for today's Fowl watch."  
  
"The stress must really be going to my head," he mumbled, rubbing his temples lightly. "Foaly keeps coming in here no matter how many times I threaten him and then Holly comes in early for a change, and just too top things off she wants Fowl watch. I would think after the mindwipe you would kill anyone who so much mentioned him"  
  
"Commander please. How many other people do you think will willingly volunteer for this assignment?"  
  
He sighed, knowing the answer. A grand total of none. "But do you really want to do it? I probably could drag in Captain Kelp or Vein."  
  
"Commander I think I most applied for this assignment. I do have the most experience and that invitation is still valid for entrance into his house."  
  
Root pulled out another cigar and began to puff on it a bit. "Foaly and I were just getting more ideas for Fowl watch. Wouldn't you want to wait out for a little bit?"  
  
She shook her head, "No sir, I am positive I want to do it now."  
  
He puffed a big cloud of smoke in front of him. Deep in thought, "Today only. But, from now on you come in early for work or not at all."  
  
She sighed, "Yes sir," If Root was always this calm in the morning then she would be more than happy to oblige.  
  
"Now go to Ops and get gear from Foaly, I want you on the quickest flight above ground. We are behind schedule enough as it is."  
  
"Yessir"  
  
******************************************************************* Dublin Ireland: Fowl Manner  
  
Holly had finally made it to Dublin. It hadn't been long at all but to Holly it seemed like hours in that pod.  
  
She shielded herself and flew to Fowl manor. It was a beautiful night, no clouds were out and the stars shone brightly from their places in the vast void of space. The moon was a crescent shape, it reminded Holly of a story she had heard once that the mudmen had thought a demon snake, or something around those lines, was eating the moon. This was back a long time ago so they thought it would be smart to try to kill the snake by shooting at it with their guns. She had almost laughed when she heard the story until she learned how many of them were killed from the bullets that game back down.  
  
Holly decided a nearby pine tree would be a perfect place for the base of operations and landed in its secluded branches. Getting situated, she turned on her COM link to Foaly.  
  
"Hey Holls, what do you need?"  
  
"Nothing big, I was just letting you know that I have arrived. Oh and I need to know what the mudman time is."  
  
He let out a sigh, "It is currently 7:45 pm. Our records show that it is exactly one hour and 45 minutes since the Fowls gathered for dinner."  
  
"Thanks, Ill let you know if something interesting happens."  
  
"I somehow find that unlikely."  
  
She put the mic on mute and decided to patrol the manor, looking in through windows that a person seemed to occupy.  
  
There wasn't anything really interesting. Juliet was cleaning; Mr. and Mrs. Fowl were in the study. Reading she presumed. She couldn't find Butler, but guessed that he was probably training. Waking up and finding out you are in no condition to protect your charge isn't exactly something you can dismiss easily. Surprisingly, Fowl was doing something away from his laptop.  
  
She turned the link back on, "Foaly do you see what I am seeing?"  
  
"No Holly I don't, I simply gave you the Iris cam and your helmet so you can play with them and take pretty pictures."  
  
"Foaly just look, he is writing. Artemis Fowl is writing inside what appears to be a journal, instead of simply typing them up on his computer."  
  
"Heh, I guess there are some things we don't know about him."  
  
"Yeah I guess so."  
  
After doing a few rounds around the manor, Holly decided to head back to her headquarters, aka, the pine tree in the Fowls front yard.  
  
When it got late and everyone went to bed, she decided it would be wise to do the same thing. Her shift ended when the sun went down the next day so she was going to treasure ever minute of sleep she could get. Setting her wings aside, she dozed off in the tree.  
  
**************************************************************  
  
Holly awoke around 5:45am with a shock from her locator. It was programmed to go off when one of them woke up, just in case she accidentally slept through the whole watch.  
  
Yawning, she put back on her wings and headed to the source.  
  
Butler had gotten up. He was currently taking a shower, so she thought better of following it.  
  
About half an hour later, Juliet woke up and headed to her shower almost at the same time Butler came out of his, got changed, and went down stairs to fix breakfast.  
  
Her stomach growled loudly as she watched him. Fresh squeezed orange juice, coffee, pancakes, omelets, and other breakfast items.  
  
Not being able to take the torture anymore, she went back to the tree and grabbed a health bar. Not the least bit appetizing or appealing, but she managed to choke it down. In agony she continued to watch him cook.  
  
It was amusing watching the residents for that day; it seemed almost like one of those sitcoms only a bit more realistic.  
  
Artemis shut himself away in his room for the longest time. It only got interesting when Juliet came in with sandwiches repeated times to try to get him to eat something.  
  
Gradually he lost his temper and almost yelled at her, of course that resulted in Artemis getting kicked in the shin for being what Juliet liked to call 'rude'. Not exactly what Holly was expecting to happen, but Juliet had grown up some. Or at least she did before she been mindwiped. Butler, in the end, had to drag her out of the study and mention something about being a bit more nicer to Artemis seeing as she was going to be leaving soon.  
  
Things just went practically down hill from there. Holly waited, hours and hours. Just remembering the good and not so good times they had shared. Then, her shift began to end. She only volunteered for Fowl watch for one thing, and she needed to do it now.  
  
Everyone had gathered in the study. Both of the Artemis' were on laptops; Juliet was flipping through a magazine; Mrs. Fowl and Butler were reading books.  
  
Turning down her link to Foaly, she flew down to the window, almost tempted to turn off her shield.  
  
"It may mean nothing to you," she whispered, not caring that they couldn't hear her. "But I am sorry."  
  
She wanted them to look at her. Too see how much grief they had put her through, to see her pain. But she couldn't call out to them, she couldn't leave them a note, she could just say it and hope things would be just fine.  
  
"I feel so guilty, even though it's not my fault and yet at the same time, it is. I'm sorry I took those memories from you, I am so incredibly sorry."  
  
She paused, not really knowing what to say next. "I guess this is my final goodbye..."  
  
She closed her eyes and took off from the ground. Every second she spent there was more than she cared to bear.  
  
'Now,' she thought, 'maybe my mind will let me be. The elf that I am, imperfect in every way.'  
  
===============================================================  
  
Yeah I know, it stunk, a lot. But that's what you get when you mix me, no caffeine, and late hours on the computer.  
  
Thank you: Sara, for helping me de-crap-o-tize the chapter. I really appreciate it.  
  
Sorry if everyone is OOC, and it was short, and the ending was very corny. I promise it will get better over time  
  
Well, you know that drill, no non-constructive flames, I do accept criticism; I like praise more than anything. 


End file.
